is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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