we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You have to summon your inner elephant
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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