how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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