i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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