The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
