When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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