I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
