In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
