My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
