is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
