I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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