no, he came in my armpit
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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