so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
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