I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
