I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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