My first STD was from a foam party
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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