you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
