Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
