She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize