You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm like, not good at living.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
