good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize