clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
