so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
