He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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