omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
