Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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