Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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