The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
even my farts smell like vagina
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
