youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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