my mouth tastes like poor choices
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
