lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
