when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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