My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
