Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
