Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
