I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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