i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize