How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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