i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
