the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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