took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
