Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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