Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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