hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
