if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
