I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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