get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
