omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
