yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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