Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
