He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
