last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize