I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
