Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize