hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
