i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize