I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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