you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
