I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
