the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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