My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize