then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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