i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
