I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
