then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You took a bar mat shot.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
