Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
