Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize