So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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