omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
