I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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