glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
