but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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