so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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