please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
