umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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