Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
