turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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