Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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