i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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