your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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