Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
