I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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