HIV tests are more positive than that guy
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
