'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
