you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
