You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
