They should really pass out barf bags in church
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
