I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
