you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
