idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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