Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
