On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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