Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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