She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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