oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
