In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize