I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
