Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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