Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
