I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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