we have pet lesbian snakes
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
